by Larissa Evans, MA
Curiosity. Compassion. What comes up for you when you read those words? Can you try feeling those states of mind – those qualities – inside of yourself?
Merriam-Webster dictionary defines curiosity as a desire to learn or know more about someone or something. It defines compassion as consciousness of someone’s distress accompanied by the desire to help.
When our clients first sit down for marriage counseling services in Houston, or couple’s counseling in Dallas, we notice that curiosity and compassion have often been buried behind cycles of fighting or self-destructive patterns. As people argue, they attack one another out of anger, withdraw from each other out of fear, or pursue one another from a place of anxiety.
At The Couple Zone we know that curiosity and compassion are natural states every person has within them. We help you take a step back from arguing patterns and access those more-positive states. As counseling progresses, you come to find those gentle places inside of you growing. Instead of withdrawing from your partner in the midst of an argument, you find yourself being drawn-in by a desire to know what’s happening for him. Instead of pursuing your teenager for information, you find yourself learning to compassionately create space for your daughter to express. Instead of being harsh with yourself for a failure, you become tender with the part of you hurting underneath.
The next time you find yourself shutting down or erupting, take a moment to pause and conjure up the natural curiosity and compassion inside of you. Ask yourself gently, “What’s really going on for me? What’s going on for my loved one?” Try to put yourself in their shoes – a nice way of understanding them. If you find this to be difficult, you’re not alone. Many of us struggle to find the curiosity and compassion inside of ourselves at key moments when we need it the most. The guidance of a relationship counselor can help these qualities become more prominent in your life – leading to more happiness, peace, and fulfillment.