signs you need marriage counseling

Sarah McConnell, LMFT, LPC

I read an article last week that said marriage or couples counseling is often ineffective because couples wait so long to see a couple therapist. Their problems have become too difficult or there’s too much hurt to heal.

That got me thinking. How can couples get to counseling earlier so that they have the best chance of solving their problems and feeling more connected?

Here are 10 Warning Signs you need Marriage Counseling or Couples Therapy :

1. If there’s been something that has come between you – a disagreement or a fight about something important – and you haven’t resolved.

2. If you find yourselves having the same kind of fight over and over again and never seem to resolve it. You may need help to understand what’s really going on underneath the surface.

3. If there’s something you really want to say to your partner about your deepest feelings, but find yourself unable to convey this in a way that she can understand.

4. If you find yourself getting mad when you are really sad, afraid or lonely, you may need help to understand your own way of masking your feelings and letting your partner know what’s really going on.

5. If one of you has had an affair and you have not talked about it, or talked about it when it was revealed but not since. You may need help to get through the difficult feelings that will still be going on for each of you.

6. If you find yourselves feeling distant from one another but you can’t broach the subject. You may need help to peel back the layers to understand the distance is happening.

7. Sexually if things have become stale and routine and you don’t know why, and don’t know how to tell each other. You may need help to communicate your feelings about the loss of passion.

8. If it feels like your partner keeps mentioning or doing something that hurts you, but you can’t tell him why. You may need help to understand and tell your partner why this is so painful for you.

9. If you feel your partner is controlling, or turns away from you and goes silent or panics when you leave the house. You may need help to stop the controlling, and see why fear often blocks the connection between you.

10. If you find yourselves having sex less often but you can’t broach the subject. You may need help in understanding how this has dwindled.

These warning signs that you need couples therapy are just one list.  Couples seek therapy for many good reasons if things just don’t feel right.  Good marriage counseling or couples counseling can help you find ways to feel more connected, be there for each other, and rekindle the passion and bond between you.

Don’t wait!